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The Country’s Weirdest Sex Laws

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I recently ran across an article in Playgirl Magazine.  Yes, folks I read Playgirl, but only for the in depth articles.  REALLY!  I have the pictures ripped out so I’m not tempted to even peek.  Ok, who am I kidding?  The honest truth is that it was the Brad Pitt issue of Playgirl circa 1997, and I just found it in an old filing cabinet (sorry Brad, I’ll put you right back under my pillow where you belong).

Anyway, as I was “reading” through the magazine I came across this article titled, “Weirdest Sex Laws”.  Who knew there had to be laws against these types of things?  Read on…

In Ames, IA drinking and doing “it” don’t mix.  There’s an ordinance against imbibing more than three slugs of beer while lying in bed with a woman. — Guess that solves the beer goggles issue.

If you’re out for a good time in Helena, MT you should know that a gal is in strict violation if she dances on a saloon table wearing clothing that weighs less than three pounds, two ounces. – Easy fix: Wet T-shirt contest anyone?

In Washington State, it is illegal to have sex with a virgin under any circumstances, including the wedding night! However, sex with animals is perfectly legal for men in Washington State, as long as the animal weighs less than 40 pounds. Huh?!

Romboch, VA is for lovers – but, only if you turn the lights off.  You’re committing an illegal act if you leave them on while being intimate. – I’m willing to be that anybody doing it in Romboch VA is probably safer keeping the lights off… you never know what kind of butter face you might run into in some parts of the world.

If the mood strikes you in unusual places, you should be warned that in Newcastle, WY there’s an edict against getting it on in a butcher shop’s meat freezer. — I always get horny in the meat department.  Who knew!

In Bozeman, MT it’s illegal to perform any sexual acts after sundown in the front yard of any home if you are completely nude. – What about during the day? Or what if you keep your 6” stilettos on?  Is that OK?

While passing through Texas, be sure to leave your sex toys at the border.  Unless you’re a health professional, it’s a felony to own six or more dildos.   The state’s still debating whether owning just one should be a misdemeanor. – Darn, there goes my vacation to Texas I was planning next month.

Put your firearms aside while making love in Connorsville, WI where an ordinance states that no man shall shoot a gun while his female partner is having an orgasm. – Just to be clear, no shooting your GUN… 😉

For those restless drivers passing through Harrisburg, PA there’s an ordinance forbidding nookie with a truck driver in a toll booth.  — There should be an ordinance forbidding nookie with truck drivers in general.

In case of emergency in Tremonton, UT, call an ambulance, but be sure not to seduce any of the hunky paramedics inside of it, or you’ll be in strict violation. — Damn.  That’s half the point of calling 911.  I’ve had the RSFD to my house and let’s just say, YUM.  I’m contemplating faking an accident soon. 🙂

Expect courteous treatment while vacationing in Coeur d’Alene, ID.  If a police officer suspects a couple is fooling around inside a vehicle, she must honk her horn three times and wait two minutes before approaching the scene.  – Two minutes? That’s nearly a lifetime.  I knew some guys that would only need 30 seconds after you honk the horn.

Make sure there’s plenty of room in the coupe while you’re passing through Liberty Corner, NJ where a statute states that any couple making out inside a vehicle, and accidentally sounding the horn during their lustful act may be taken to jail. – But go ahead and fire that gun all you want.

Shhh.. In Willowdale, OR a husband may not talk dirty in his wife’s ear during intercourse. — Ah, but where can he talk dirty is the question.  Another reason I hate Oregon.

Having sex with a porcupine is illegal in Florida.

While visiting the nation’s capital, couples may engage only in the missionary position while in bed.  Any acrobatic moves are punishable. — Acrobatic??  What if my legs are behind my head but we’re still missionary? Is that OK?

Happy Humpin’ everyone. Keep it legal. ~Gigi

~

John is a badass motha fucka

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