Everything You Wanted To Know About Your Penis

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Everything you wanted to know, but were too afraid to ask – About Your Penis. From a woman, no less.

  1. There are two types of penises (peni?). One kind expands and lengthens when becoming erect (a grower).  The other appears big most of the time, but doesn’t get much bigger after achieving erection (a shower).
  2. Smoking can shorten your penis by as much as ONE FULL centimeter (get out your rulers).  Erections are all about good blood flow, and lighting up calcifies blood vessels, stifling erectile circulation.  So even if you don’t care all that much about your lungs or dying young, spare the ‘lil guy.
  3. No brain is necessary for ejaculation. This is a good thing for most of you.  That order comes from the spinal cord.  Finding a living vessel for said ejaculation, however, takes hours of careful thought, and often, considerable amounts of alcohol.
  4. Doctors can now grow skin for burn victims using the foreskins of circumcised infants.  One foreskin can produce 23,000 square meters, which would be enough to tarp every Major League infield with human flesh.  So the next time that girl at the bar is looking at you strange – don’t judge.  Maybe she had eyelid transplants and is now a little cock-eyed.
  5. An enlarged prostate gland can cause both erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation.  If you have an unexplained case of either, your doctors looking forward to checking your prostate.  Even if you’re not.
  6. The average male orgasm lasts 6 seconds. Women get 23 seconds (YEAH!)  Thus another indication on how  the female species is superior.
  7. The oldest known species with a penis is a hard-shelled sea creature called Colymbosathon Ecplecticos.  That’s Greek for “amazing swimmer with a large penis” I think that’s Michael Phelps’ Greek name also.
  8. Circumcised foreskin can be reconstructed. Movable skin on the shaft of the penis is pulled toward the tip and set in place with tape.  Later, doctors apply plastic rings, caps, and weights.  Years can pass until complete coverage is attained….Ok… really?  I’m not gonna judge, but who the hell would want to do that?
  9. Only one man in 400 is flexible enough to give himself oral pleasure.  It’s estimated, however, that all 400 have given it their best shot at some point.  Go ahead and pause here, I’ll wait while you all try…
  10. Are you a grower or a shower? An international Men’s Health survey reports that 79 percent of men are growers, 21 percent are showers.  Let’s hear it for the growers!!
  11. German researchers say the average intercourse lasts 2 minutes, 50 seconds, yet women perceive it as lasting 5 minutes, 30 seconds.  Is that good or bad?  I say if it’s done right, it would last longer… if done wrong, ahem… we’ll cut it short.
  12. Turns out size does matter: The longer your penis, the better “semen displacement” you’ll achieve when having sex with a woman flush with competing sperm.  That’s according to researchers at the State University of New York, who used artificial phalluses to test the “scooping” mechanism of the penis’s coronal ridge.  How’d you like to be the researcher in charge of that study?
  13. The penis that’s been enjoyed by the most women could be that of Kind Fatefehi of Tonga, who supposedly deflowered 37,800 women between the years 1770-1784 – that’s about seven virgins a day.  Go ahead, say it.  “It’s good to be king”
  14. Better-looking men may have stronger sperm. Spanish researches showed women photos of guys who had good, average and lousy sperm – and told them to pick the handsomest men.  The women chose the best sperm producers most often.
  15. The most common cause of penile rupture: vigorous masturbation.  Slow it down fellas… We can’t risk you rupturing our friend.
  16. For every 35lbs of weight a man loses – he gains 1 inch of penis length!  So drop the Chalupa boys!

As always, I’m here to help.  If you have anything you want me to comment on, send me a note. Info@RollinSD.com ~Lady Loose Lips

John is a badass motha fucka

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