Chinese Take Over Yao Ming

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The NBA All Star game is coming up this Sunday and I read this week that Kevin Love will be replacing Yao Ming in the game.  As soon as I read this, I had two thoughts.  First, how the hell did Yao Ming get voted to the All Star game, and second, the only worse person to take part in the All Star pre-game rap video than a 7-foot Chinese man is a 7-foot white boy from Oregon.  OK, we can disregard the latter and watch Kevin Love do his best Jabbawockeez dance because he’s stringing together 50+ double-doubles.

But Yao Ming being selected to the game?  That’s just, well, quite baffling.  To rationalize and place blame on this conundrum, we can look to two parties: the NBA marketing team and every person overpopulating China.

We’ll start by placing blame on the NBA.  Now, I haven’t voted on an All Star game since I voted myself onto the Scripps Ranch Little League All Star team (4 years running baby, toot toot), but I have a feeling Yao wasn’t a write-in, which meant he must have actually been on the ballot.  What a joke.  The NBA put a player who has played 5 games, tops, on the ballot.  And I get it; they want him to get voted in to attract Chinese viewers and international investors.  It’s about money, the bottom dollar.  But where’s the integrity in that?  There’s a reason selling crack on the street corner isn’t an acceptable form of making a buck.  It’s illegal (sort of), indecent, and lacks integrity.  Just like inserting a Chinese puppet instead of a worthy player such as, lets says, LaMarcus Aldridge (who, in more ways than one fits our cliché profile).  The NBA put Yao’s name up like a target, provided the gun, let the Chinese shoot…

…and the Chinese shot and hit his name, over and over again.  Bringing us to the second party to blame, the ENTIRE country of China.  Now, I’m obviously generalizing, but does anyone really think Yao would have been voted in without his 1 billion countrymen?  I mean if 300 million Americans wanted to vote irrationally, the starting line up include Adam Morrison, Brian Scalabrine, Kevin Love (oh wait…), Luke Walton, and John Wayne.  Needless to say, none of them would be invited to participate in the dunk contest.

But yet I still get it, the Chinese want their 7-foot golden boy anomaly to stand above the rest, throw his stunna shades on, and bump elbows with Jack Nicholson.  However, that doesn’t sound very socialistic of them, or very democratic of us to let them screw up a voting process that the NBA has already ruined!

So China, feel free to de-value your currency, buy our debt, become a manufacturing giant, but do NOT vote in your undeserving kinsmen to the NBA All Star game.  You came dangerously close to messing up my favorite hip-hop convention, followed closely by the BET Awards.  -ADLP

John is a badass motha fucka

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